‘I live in the space of vulnerability’ Iyanla Vanzant
My first counselling started with laughter. Humouring my pain was what I was used to. Less than 3 minutes in and I was in tears. I cried and cried and cried and cried. For me and my ancestors, I cried.
It shook me to my core what I released over the months and what I remembered. I had so much guilt for leaving my youngest sister. What more could I have done to help her? I was in a weak state but in being there I became vulnerable. I stopped putting up a front and felt the pain I had been suppressing. Everything that required healing rushed to the surface. I felt the pain and I wept.
Coming from a place of vulnerability was new to me. As a dark skinned woman I was on guard. I had to protect myself from other peoples burdens. In doing so I shut my feelings off, I paid no attention to the emotion of sadness. If everywhere you went be it family, friends, work colleagues and strangers your energy was constantly seen as negative based on racism, unconscious biases ecetera ecetera, you find coping mechanisms or you die. Sometimes that involved shutting those sad feelings off. Scars are easier to talk about than they are to show. Rarely do we see wounds that are healing.
Alternatively I still died.
MUA Tesh Lewis
Hairstylist Rohmarra Kerr
Stylist Amie Wolfe
*Disclaimer: These posts were written last year (2017) Visuals shot (2018).